Friday 30 September 2011

It's because he is a Northerner.



Do people mistake your choice of lifestyle for stinginess?
I have sometimes been judged for my choice in not spending money on things that other people spend money on and have often heard the phrase 'it's because he is from the North'. I am not entirely sure how Northerners ended up with a label of being less forthcoming with their money than others but I am proud of where I come from. Perhaps it is partly why I have never really fitted in living where I do? I have a good friend who is almost the entire opposite of me, spend, spend, spend, and not little purchases, massive ones, is there ever a reason to have more than one car when you are a single person? I respect the way he lives and he respects my choices, but we have such differing views on why we do what we do. I have taken a few years to get to the mindset I now have, but I have never knowingly wasted money in my life and it is only as I have got older that I have now much more care about the impact I, personally have on the World around us. I have wanted to get back to nature for many years and have only really felt totally comfortable and at home when I am wandering in the countryside, quietly, upsetting no-one. Now that I am finally making positive steps towards that I feel more at peace than I have felt for years. I have moments of wondering if I am crazy, moving somewhere that I know very few people, where I have only one real friend and where I am going to cause myself problems with working (a lot of my work will still be in London) but then I think about the countryside, that will be on my doorstep and I know that I am making the right choice. You may wonder why I have not done this earlier? after all, 19 years living somewhere I don't like sounds ridiculous. I always had it in my mind that perhaps it is something I would do with a partner, something we would do together. But one day I woke up and realised that this was just an excuse and if I waited until I met the right person then I could end up never doing it and another 19 years could pass living somewhere I don't like.

Anyway, as ever, my un-concentrated mind has wandered from my original subject.

The other day I listened in to a conversation between two colleagues, one of which had just spent a large amount of money on something completely unnecessary. To hear the justification in the mindset of why such a large amount of money was used was quite amusing. One said to the other that sometimes it is necessary to spend just to make yourself feel good - an all too familiar analysis. Surely if you recognise this in yourself it is easy to undo? I happen to think that it is more that people are addicted to a lifestyle, the lifestyle that they think they ought to have, based on what other people have and want. Once you break that habit everything seems to fall into place and you find other ways of filling your needs, saving becomes your addiction more than shopping.

So yes, some people may think that I am a tight-wad (I'm not), some may think that I am judgemental of the way they live their lives, I certainly am not, we all have a choice and I have chosen a way to be that is different from the crowd, but everyone is free to make their own choices and live with the decisions they make, who am I to say otherwise? I am far from perfect and still have a whole load to learn, mistakes are made every month, but it is a great personal journey and one that hopefully will end up here:

12 comments:

  1. what a lovely post! I think lots of people read magazines, newspapers and see the way other people live on television and think they have to live that way too or they are somehow failing.

    I have friends who moan that their elderly parents are having a holiday when they forget that when their parents were younger and raising children, they were lucky to even go away for one week. Today lots of people "expect" to have a few holidays a year. Fair enough if you have the money and don't need it for other things, but not worth going into debt for!

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  2. Thank you, Simplemiss. I am glad you enjoyed it. I think that people either get it or they don't in general. you are quite right, the goalposts seem to have moved over the last 20 or so years and people expect to be able to have it all, from instant home and garden makeovers to exotic holidays. I remember my god-parents telling me that when they bought their home they couldn't afford one stick of furniture and so had to wait, saving a little bit every week until they could buy furniture bit by bit. Nowadays, if you can't have it straight away you can get it on credit - and so starts the debt.
    I have just been catching up on your blog and become your first follower.
    Regards
    Dan

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  3. I only wish my kids were a bit like you. They all buy so much and most of it has to have a 'name' on it.
    Myself I love to make do and mend but that's probably because of my age.
    We were bought up to sew, knit and cook.
    Don't get me wrong, I'm not a grumpy old crumbly, lol
    Good luck with your move.
    Briony
    x

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  4. You`ve made the right choice for yourself. Let others worry about their lot. As long as you do not regret your decision to move somewhere rural,
    that`s all that matters. You have already started that journey to a more fulfilling lifestyle. Best of luck to you, and leave the spendaholics behind.

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  5. great post. i know people who think i'm tight beacause i'm not like them throwing tenners along the path as i walk ( some people i know just throw money at anything !) at the end of the day we are all responsible for our own money and how we chose to spend it is up to us.

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  6. when you are "different" from the "norm"
    then you are always going to open yourself up to be judged...

    Its the price you pay for walking your own path

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  7. Well, walking your own path is always more fun, isn't it! Thanks for your comments all, it is always nice to see what others think.
    Dan

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  8. I'm a Northerner living in the North and people still don't get me or my choices. In fact some who I encounter are arrogant enough to think that their way is right and anything that deviates from their norm is wrong, and can be suspicious, aggressive or both. Some ask the same old questions over and over, but I no longer have the time, energy or inclination to discuss my choices with them. They clearly don't ( or don't want to) get it and never will.
    Good luck with your planned move.

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  9. Thanks for the comment and the good luck Scarlet, nice to find and read your blog too.
    Dan

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  10. Well I'm a Southerner and I spend on gifts for others but make wise choices about the rest of our money. So being careful does not make us tight, it gives me options to do what we really want. At the moment it is paying off our mortgage and travel.

    We moved to a pretty hamlet, and love our little cottage with land. BEST DECISION WE EVER MADE...GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DREAMS, DAN!

    Sft x

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  11. Hi dan, I loved your post, very well put and i totally get it.

    I really respect you for 'doing it alone' and i believe when your happy and being the person you want to be thats when the right person will find you.

    Your comment about your god parents furniture, we are doing the same thing now! (we have the money just its for our dream) since moving into our new rented home we have bought bits and pieces as we have spare money in our budget - we refused to go off our savings plan and its working out brilliant, really satisfying! Saving is such an addiction your right :)

    i really enjoy your blog, thank you x

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  12. @Saving for travel, Lovely to know that you have no regrets moving to a cottage with land, I am sure it will be the best decision I ever made too.
    @Astra, thank you for your lovely comments and welcome. I am just going to check out your blog now!
    Regards
    Dan

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